There’s something deep inside of us that believes worry can change others. If someone we love has a different perspective than we do, we worry. If someone we love has a different belief about God, we worry. If someone we love has a character flaw, we worry. We just know their wrong thinking will mess up their lives.

Some of these worries may truly seem “worthy” of worry. Your mother may not know Christ as her Savior, and she has cancer. Your son may be on the street taking drugs. Your friend may demonstrate a lack of integrity at work. Another friend drives while intoxicated. You may have tried to reason, cajole, quote Scripture, even manipulate each person into changing their ideas and their behavior, but nothing has worked—not even prayer. God hasn’t changed them either. You fear something bad, really bad, is going to happen.

Even if it’s not a matter of something really bad occurring, we can easily take responsibility for someone else’s happiness and then try to change them.

A verse that has helped me in releasing that worry is:  “Let us therefore, as many as are perfect, have this attitude; and if in anything you have a different attitude, God will reveal that also to you” (Philippians 3:15 NASB). If God has the ability to give you and me a different attitude, He can do it for anyone. He is powerful and creative. When we worry or feel like we have to change someone’s ideas, we are saying, “God, you aren’t effective enough. You aren’t creative enough to work in this person’s life. I’ve got to do it myself.”

When I think of how God creatively worked in our daughter Darcy’s life, I sense the tears coming. Darcy went to Denmark for a semester of college and requested to live in the home of a Danish family. At that time, Darcy was friendly with us, but distant emotionally.

But while in Denmark, our phone calls soon were centered on how badly her Danish “mother” was treating her— ignoring her and saying mean things to her. Larry and I were incensed, as most parents would be, and I began to worry about my daughter’s emotional health. Then my worry fueled anger toward this woman who had no right to treat my daughter like that. We suggested Darcy move to on-campus housing, but she wanted to stick it out. Since we couldn’t afford to go visit her (I would have loved to give that woman a piece of my mind), I had to stew over it … in the beginning.

Then I saw God’s work in Darcy’s life. Because of her circumstances, she began to appreciate our family as she never had before. In comparison to the way her Danish family treated her, we were looking pretty good. In fact, fabulous. I’d never heard as much love and warmth in Darcy’s voice as when we talked with her.

Shortly before she returned home, she sent a Christmas card and wrote in it:

Dear Dad, Mom, and Mark: Since I can’t be there with you for Christmas, I’m writing to tell you how much I’ll miss not being there and how much I love you all. Being away has really made me realize how awesome a family you are. I love and appreciate all of you so much! I can’t wait to come home to see you all. Give my love to the rest of the family. I’ll be seeing you on January 6. Love, Darcy.

That was in 1994. After Darcy returned, her appreciation for our family continued to rise to great heights, and it all started with something I was worried about. It’s every mother’s longing to have her child value their family. But in our case, God accomplished this through mistreatment, something I would have changed if I could. But if I had, the good results God intended would not have occurred. Even today, when we talk about that situation, Darcy remarks, “Oh, yes, God really used that in my life.”

We don’t want to thwart God’s changes in those we love, do we? We need to make sure worry doesn’t prevent His work. Let’s live like we believe Philippians 3:15: God can change others.

NOTE FROM JOAN: Kathy and I seem to think alike in many areas and even write about similar topics. I love the above story and so appreciate the message. We can't change/fix others through over-helping or over-worrying. Only God can change hearts! This book is worth reading. Maybe you can WIN it. Just COMMENT here on this blog and my assistant Karen will put your name in the hat and then draw the winning name. She'll let you know who won while I'm on vacation. 

There is a gap between who God is and who you and I are. He cannot say, “Well, I realize you’re inherently flawed and disbelieving, but it doesn’t matter. I’ll just pretend you’re perfect and ignore that you are often self-preoccupied, untruthful, controlling and emotionally abusive to those you’ve promised to love.” If He did that, He would be untrue to Himself—and then He would not be God.

Personally, I would have great difficulty honoring or worshiping a wishy-washy Deity who changes the rules on me and then expects me to figure out when and why. The Lord God that I revere is the same all the time and in every situation. He is always fair, right, good, reliable and loving. I deeply respect the spotless character and unchanging personality of God.

I think that’s why I’m amazed that God—perfect in every possible way and knowing all things at any given moment—is even interested in me. But He is. He is interested in you, too. In His loving sovereignty (seems like an oxymoron, doesn’t it?), He designed an innovative (and frankly, miraculous) way for me to communicate and live peacefully with Him. We celebrate this way at Easter-time. “For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ” (2 Cor. 5:21, NLT).

God sent his flawless Son Jesus as His exact representative into my imperfect surroundings in order to reconnect me to Himself, the omnipotent Creator and Heavenly Father. Such a costly solution to the gapproblem between God and me! God might have gotten very pushy about it, yet He treats you and me—His human creations—with such incredible respect that instead He allows us to decide whether we want to accept His reconciliation proposal. God shows such compassionate understanding of our bottom-line dilemma: He is perfect and we are not. He provides our solution, and yet our refusal to believe and trust His provision is our deepest and basic problem. We need Him—and the good news is that He wants us and created a way for us to connect.

The key to connecting with God? We simply stop refusing Jesus, the True Easter Story. So what does God want from you and me this Easter? Not merely that we go to church–or try harder to be good–or give money to an important cause, although these are worthwhile endeavors. God longs for me–and you–to pray, admit our inability to be 100% sinless, believe that Jesus bridges the gap between us and Him and commit to trust Him with our lives. I’ve discovered that doing this brings me relief right now and ultimate hope for my eternal future.

Where were you when you first talked to God about all this?

Ahhh. It’s LOVE week. All is well. Or is it?

If you’re like some lovers, you may sense that one or both of you are trying too hard to control how the other one expresses love. Instead of increasing intimacy, it pushes you apart. So what’s up?

Okay, no one is perfectly loving 24/7. Yet, you can grow in your Valentine-Relationship when you both commit to developing these God-honoring characteristics:

1. Allow for individuality. Differing talents or temperaments do not threaten true love. Feelings and thoughts can be expressed without fear.

2. Avoid trying to change the other. We may not like everything about our partner, yet when we consider the total picture we are able to be more accepting.

3. Care with detachment. Healthy love cares, listens, and responds; yet does not try to fix or remove the uncomfortable feelings of the lover.

4. Affirm equality of self and partner. A mature relationship treats the partners as equals. There is no sense of competition or one-upmanship.

When you practice mature love, you accept what the other person is able or willing to give. You allow each other space to grow and develop. 

This week I invite you to pray with me: “Lord, teach me to love authentically…with joy and fun. I don’t wish to make inappropriate demands–and force my own way. Help me to be honest about what I want. And also listen to understand my mate’s needs and desires. You had a good idea when You created romantic love. Thank you.”

Have a lovely V-day. I know I will, ‘cuz it is also my birthday!

Love this photo! And the flower. And most of all the life-changing message of this Bible verse. Just one thing:It is Matthew 6:30, not Matthew 6:20.

Hey, I made a mistake when I created this and now I can’t change it. I don’t have the computer program anymore.

But God still loves me, even though I made a written blunder with His scripture text! And He loves you, too. Mistakes and all!

How do you feel about that today?