Joan C. Webb
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Life Coaching
    • Life Coaching Brochure
    • What Others Say about Life Coaching
    • LifePlan Brochure
  • Spiritual Direction
  • Intentional Woman
    • The Intentional Woman Mission/Vision
    • The Intentional Woman Authors
    • IW LifePlan
  • Freebies
  • Joan's Promo Page
  • What Others Say about Joan's Speaking/Teaching
  • Books
    • Nourishment for New Moms
    • The Intentional Woman
    • The Relief of Imperfection
    • It's a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life
    • Everyday Wisdom
    • Devotions for Little Boys and Girls
    • Meditations for Christians Who Try to Be Perfect
    • Joan's Writing Contributions
  • Connect with Joan
    • About Joan
    • Listen to Joan

   Joan's BLOG

How Does Shame Affect You?

10/11/2013

2 Comments

 
Picture
This last weekend I attended my 3rd annual WayPoint Summit for Christian Life Coaches, Spiritual Directors and Transformational Workers in Breckenridge, CO. 
The theme was Live. Shame. Free. 
Picture
It was a "jarringly beautiful and healing" time for me...as well as for others. In empathetic community--free of fixing and "get well quick" blurts--we graced one another with listening prayer, acceptance, safety, and freedom. In messy imperfection. And it was not only "okay", but redeeming. The light shone in. Beyond words...
Picture
Reminded me of something I wrote a while back. (See in the right hand column)  Do you identify with it on any level? How has shame affected you?
“You shouldn’t feel that way” or “You’re not tired. Your sister still has energy.” or “We can’t stop for a bathroom break now. You don’t have to go that bad, anyway” or even “You should pray like your cousin does.” 

Comments like these may sound familiar. Perhaps you’ve been shamed into doubting your emotions, perceptions, desires or needs, causing you to lose your sense of individuality. 

“Each of us is surrounded by external sources of shame. These vary, of course,” write David Johnson and Jeff VanVonderen in The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse. “Families where people are called names or compared, or where parents have their needs met by the performance of the children, instill messages of shame in their members.” The authors contend that even billboards, magazine ads and television commercials shame us by promising ways to make us more valuable, lovable or capable.

As wise God-seekers, we can cease sacrificing who we are for the sake of another’s ego-needs or our own desire for protection from negative reaction. Although God has unlimited power, He never victimizes us to prove it. Instead, He treats us with respect and love. He’s worth trusting—even imperfectly.

Lord, I think I’ve allowed others and their opinions to make my decisions for me. I don’t want to do that anymore. Instead I want to enter into authentic, freedom-producing and shame-decreasing relationships with safe people who trust and love You. It seems a little risky. (Who am I kidding?) It's a lot risky. I'm leaning into You for help. 
2 Comments
Gina link
12/17/2013 02:53:16 am

Thanks for this, Joan. Being told I shouldn't feel a certain way takes me from 0-120 mph in short order. When we shame people for how they feel we tell them that they cannot trust their hearts and that the very core of who they are is wrong. Maddening! (Okay, breathing now.)

Reply
Joan C. Webb
12/17/2013 12:50:24 pm

Definitely maddening. I hate shaming and abuse. And methinks you do, also. Glad you're breathing now. I have to do the same thing. Take deep breaths. Thanks for the comments.
BTW, I think of you, often, Gina. Hope things are going well.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Picture

    Joan C. Webb

    Writing, teaching, coaching to empower and set free.
    Joan is an inspirational speaker, Bible teacher, Life Coach, and author of 13 books including It's a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life, The Relief of Imperfection, The Intentional Woman. She does consulting, as well as Life Coaching, for writers, speakers, ministry leaders and entrepreneurs.

    Connect with Joan.  

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

    RSS Feed

    Categories

    All
    Bible/Scripture
    Bible/Scripture
    Books/Reading
    Christmas
    Easter
    God/Faith
    God/Faith
    Gratitude/Thanksgiving
    Gratitude/Thanksgiving
    Health/Disease/Healing
    Helpwell Being5b82e02159
    Helpwellbeingd0a8f36645
    Holy Spirit
    Hope
    Intentional Living
    Intentional Woman
    Jesus
    Leadership
    Life Coaching
    Love
    Marriage
    Motherhood
    Overwhelmed/Overworked
    Parenting/Children
    Patriotism/Country
    People Pleasing
    People-pleasing
    Perfectionism
    Prayer
    Relief Of Imperfection
    Retreat/Rest
    Self Help/Well Being
    Self Help/Well Being
    Stress
    Work
    Writing

    Archives

    April 2020
    May 2017
    February 2016
    May 2015
    February 2015
    November 2014
    October 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011
    January 2011
    December 2010
    November 2010
    October 2010
    September 2010
    August 2010
    July 2010
    June 2010
    May 2010
    April 2010
    March 2010
    February 2010
    January 2010
    December 2009
    November 2009
    October 2009
    September 2009
    August 2009
    July 2009
    June 2009
    May 2009
    April 2009
    March 2009
    February 2009
    January 2009
    December 2008
    November 2008
    September 2008
    April 2008
    March 2008
    February 2008
    January 2008
    December 2007
    November 2007
    August 2006

"Are you tired? Come to me. ...Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
​Jesus (Matthew 11:28-30)

Interact with Joan

About Joan
Connect
Books
Listen to Joan
Photos used with permission from Future Photo Group

Copyright 2019 Joan C. Webb

Free Resources

Relief of Imperfection Chart
Wheel of Life Inventory
Feelings Chart
Coaching and Mentoring

Life Coaching

Tell Me about Life Coaching
What Others Say

Intentional Woman

IW LifePlan
IW 5-Step Process
Picture
Photos used under Creative Commons from edenpictures, Renee Silverman, whologwhy, Jaime Olmo, Monkey Mash Button, peasap, Thomás, flik, Evil Erin, kennethkonica, JLStricklin, marioanima, jubileelewis, tswicegood, fhwrdh, Irwin-Scott, raymond_zoller, xindilo, Kumaravel, Tucker Sherman, h.koppdelaney, torbakhopper, Thomas Rousing, Patrick Hoesly, Sharon Mollerus, Por mi tripa..., Parker Knight, analogophile, JD Hancock, marimbajlamesa, ellyn., Nathan O'Nions, jessleecuizon, ZiarciRose, Alan Cleaver, BékiPe, kevin dooley, libertygrace0, Ryk Neethling, LadyDragonflyCC *TY for 500,000 views! *, Leonid Mamchenkov, Danielle Scott, GabrielaP93
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Life Coaching
    • Life Coaching Brochure
    • What Others Say about Life Coaching
    • LifePlan Brochure
  • Spiritual Direction
  • Intentional Woman
    • The Intentional Woman Mission/Vision
    • The Intentional Woman Authors
    • IW LifePlan
  • Freebies
  • Joan's Promo Page
  • What Others Say about Joan's Speaking/Teaching
  • Books
    • Nourishment for New Moms
    • The Intentional Woman
    • The Relief of Imperfection
    • It's a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life
    • Everyday Wisdom
    • Devotions for Little Boys and Girls
    • Meditations for Christians Who Try to Be Perfect
    • Joan's Writing Contributions
  • Connect with Joan
    • About Joan
    • Listen to Joan