 Lord, who are these people, Your created children, who suffer pain deeper than words?
A mommy who lost her precious 3rd grader in this devastating tornado-monster in Oklahoma yesterday? That daddy who thought his child would be safe learning at school? A little boy who can’t imagine never playing ball with his best friend again? A young couple who had just started out and now their carefully-planned future lies in a flattened pile of rubble? An elderly man and his wife who just wanted to live out their final days on earth in peace? The OK firefighter who usually assists others, now facing his own need for help? Those first-responders climbing and clawing through the jagged boards looking for a glimpse of life–their minds and bodies throbbing with compassion fatigue…yet they work on? God, I lift up these men and women, boys and girls to You. I only taste their pain, while they are drowning in it. I’m removed; miles away. YOU are there. “You are close to the brokenhearted.”* Hold their hurting hearts and may they sense Your presence. Because of Jesus, I come to You knowing that you hear me and the myriads of others who pray. Amen. *Psalm 34:18 NIV
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 If you’re like many moms I know, you’re tired. Weary. Crying babies. Sassy Teens. You love your kids AND sometimes you just want a little relief. Maybe you can’t escape to your dream-get-away right now, but you could use an energy-break. Here’s four doable relief-tips for you:
1. Ask “What do I really want to do?” When you’re in a quandary about a decision, hopefully your response(s) will help you decipher which is your desire or need and not merely what someone else wants you to do. (Trying to make everyone happy and follow their advice can be truly exhausting.) 2. When you get into bed at night, instead of praying “Lord, what did I do wrong today?” and then ruminating about what you coulda- shoulda- woulda done, pray, “What did I do right, Lord?” Then listen to how God’s spirit prompts you, and praise Him for your blessings and His help. (Constant negative self-talk can rob your energy–and your joy.) 3. When you’re overly tired, lacking energy, or just plain overwhelmed with the mundaneness of mommy-hood, ask yourself “Since I’m going to do this activity or task anyway, how can I do it easier–or even with a little fun)? (Doing something you enjoy, like listening to your fav music while accomplishing an unpleasant task can actually revitalize you.) 4. Before you get out of bed and/or reach over to pick up your baby in the morning or greet your early-bird toddler, take thirty seconds to talk to God. Request His guidance and help for your day. Consider asking, “Lord, what do You want to show me today?” Then watch for evidence of His love and direction. (Anticipating good things can be an attitude and energy booster. And a way to get to know God more intimately.) So…Happy Mother’s Day, Mommy!  “Perfectionists minimize their moral and ethical plus-side and magnify their failings,” writes Miriam Elliott and Susan Meltsner in the book The Perfectionist Predicament. I’ve noticed this phenomenon in clients, friends, family members and yes, even myself. (No surprise, huh?)
I watched one woman hang her head in shame when her job circumstances prevented her from attending a church meeting. Another mentioned how bad she felt that her sick child kept her from having her private prayer time for a few days. I can give myself grief for not posting an inspirational blog on time or taking too long to respond to a hurting person who sent me an email over the weekend. What’s wrong with you, Joan? It’s like we set up unrealistic spiritual expectations and then worry that God is disappointed in us. However, here’s what I’m learning (and I love it): God doesn’t withdraw His grace, compassion or support when we fall short in our own eyes. Once we accept the invitation to be His child, He’ll never change His mind. He gives us unique spiritual gifts and then employs us for service accordingly. God’s gift of grace, as well as His promise to comfort, provide for and protect us, are undeserved benefits. His call and gifts are irrevocable. (Romans 11:29) Grace is the face love wears when it meets IMPERFECTION! Will you give yourself a little “grace” today?
 Recently we’ve been surrounded with news of death, explosions, and terror perpetrated on innocent men, women and children. Pain is deep; grief inevitable. Like others, I’ve struggled to find words of comfort and hope. Then I remembered something God showed me through an experience that His Son Jesus had while He lived here on earth. When one of His best friends died, Jesus arrived in town several days after the burial. At the grave Jesus wept tears of sorrow and anger — sorrow at the death of His friend and anger at the unbelief and wrong so prevalent in an imperfect and decaying world.*  Like Jesus, we feel angry and sad when we see the devastating effects of sin and unfaith. Death, abuse, injustice, and pain are the natural results of living in a world that ignores its Creator and doesn’t value others.
Both anger and grief are normal responses to death, evil, and injustice. As long as we live on this damaged planet, we will experience these and other disturbing emotions. I believe that one day we who have chosen to follow Jesus, will join Him in a sorrow free place. Until then, like Jesus, we can allow ourselves to grieve, to care, to pray and to help wherever we can. So I’m praying, “Lord, teach me to be honest with my own human emotions, to accept people when they hurt, and to reach out – all while dreaming of a better day to come.” Want to join me? * Jesus’ story from John 11:33-38.  Annette! My twin-cousin Jean and I loved that name. We watched Annette Funicello on TV. Jean and I even dreamed of naming our daughters (someday in the future) that pretty name, “Annette.” (Jean on left. Joan on right in photo. How about that "pompadour"??) But we couldn’t both have daughters named Annette. Solution: Jean’s first-born was a girl and she named her “Annette.” She was (and is!) beautiful just like Annette Funicello; dark hair, glowing olive skin, lovely smile. I named my first-born (a girl, also!) Lynnette. She’s beautiful, too, with blond hair, fairer skin and a gorgeous smile. Then I grew up to write a book about how joy and imperfection can co-exist titled The Relief of Imperfection. Annette Funicello grew up to act, dance and sing in movies, eventually developing multiple sclerosis and showing us all that indeed joy, pain and imperfection can co-exist.  Annette Funicello said, “Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful!” Her words so impressed me that I quoted her on page 123 of The Intentional Woman book that I co-wrote with Carol Travilla. And two books later, Annette’s quote led way to the title of my devotional book, It’s a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life, for women who strive too hard to make it all just right. It’s amazing how one person can personally impact another and never know about it. One article I read quoted Annette Funicello as saying, “I thank God I just didn’t wake up one morning and not be able to walk. You learn to live with it [MS]. …This just makes me appreciate the Lord even more because things could always be worse. I know he will see me through this.” After Annette’s death on Monday, April 8, 2013 in Bakersfield (the city where my two children were born), her daughter Gina said, “She’s on her toes dancing in heaven … no more MS.”  Annette Funicello touched my life in numerous personal ways, although she didn’t know it here on this earth. Whether we realize it or not, we impact and influence others during our lives, also. That truth encourages to me today, because sometimes (I admit it!) I stress about whether I’ve done enough for God or if I’ve made a difference in the lives of the people He planned for me to touch. So today I’ll cease trying so hard to make that happen and let God orchestra the connections. He can do it, just like He connected Annette and me.
Do you have an “Annette Funicello” story? Or a thought about how God makes connections that inspire? Please leave me a comment. I’d love to hear from you.  There is a gap between who God is and who you and I are. He cannot say, “Well, I realize you’re inherently flawed and disbelieving, but it doesn’t matter. I’ll just pretend you’re perfect and ignore that you are often self-preoccupied, untruthful, controlling and emotionally abusive to those you’ve promised to love.” If He did that, He would be untrue to Himself—and then He would not be God. Personally, I would have great difficulty honoring or worshiping a wishy-washy Deity who changes the rules on me and then expects me to figure out when and why. The Lord God that I revere is the same all the time and in every situation. He is always fair, right, good, reliable and loving. I deeply respect the spotless character and unchanging personality of God. I think that’s why I’m amazed that God—perfect in every possible way and knowing all things at any given moment—is even interested in me. But He is. He is interested in you, too. In His loving sovereignty (seems like an oxymoron, doesn’t it?), He designed an innovative (and frankly, miraculous) way for me to communicate and live peacefully with Him. We celebrate this way at Easter-time. “For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ” (2 Cor. 5:21, NLT). God sent his flawless Son Jesus as His exact representative into my imperfect surroundings in order to reconnect me to Himself, the omnipotent Creator and Heavenly Father. Such a costly solution to the gapproblem between God and me! God might have gotten very pushy about it, yet He treats you and me—His human creations—with such incredible respect that instead He allows us to decide whether we want to accept His reconciliation proposal. God shows such compassionate understanding of our bottom-line dilemma: He is perfect and we are not. He provides our solution, and yet our refusal to believe and trust His provision is our deepest and basic problem. We need Him—and the good news is that He wants us and created a way for us to connect.  The key to connecting with God? We simply stop refusing Jesus, the True Easter Story. So what does God want from you and me this Easter? Not merely that we go to church–or try harder to be good–or give money to an important cause, although these are worthwhile endeavors. God longs for me–and you–to pray, admit our inability to be 100% sinless, believe that Jesus bridges the gap between us and Him and commit to trust Him with our lives. I’ve discovered that doing this brings me relief right now and ultimate hope for my eternal future.
Where were you when you first talked to God about all this?  During February I’ve been thinking about LOVE–and noticing how some in our Christian culture view married-love. There seems to be a mini-epidemic of spousal-obsession that gives way to over-helping, people-pleasing and just plain “fixing.” (Okay, if you want to call it codependency, go ahead! And yes, it can be done with lots of words or with silent manipulation.)  This leads me to ask: What did Jesus say about how to love? Along with other wise teaching He said, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:39) The original word for “neighbor” means someone close to you. Well, your mate couldn’t be much closer, right? So here what I’m learning: Loving my spouse as myself does not mean loving him instead of myself. As a healthy child of God, I will love, respect and take care of myself. Yet I won’t be obsessively absorbed in self to the point of leaving him out of my inner life; nor will I live my life through orfor him. To live primarily through or for another person means that I feel, think, decide, and hurt for that person. I try my best to fix all situations so he does not have to be sad or disappointed or angry or hurt. I’m sorry to say that I’ve been there and done that. I thought this epitomized LOVE, but it backfired.  I discovered that “fixing” (or excessive helping and managing) can actually rob a mate of living his own life before God. It may even deny him a sense of accomplishment and self-worth because I give the impression, “You are not capable of doing this, so I’ll do it for you.” In this process, I often deprive myself of the time and energy I need to grow personally and spiritually.
The relief-producing news: I can learn to accept, appreciate, and respect the person God created to live inside my own body. That God-ordained love, acceptance, and respect can splash over to my spouse. I can be authentic about our reality and still leave him room to develop and make his own decisions. I can learn to love myself and my spouse. It may be a messy process at times AND our married-love is worth it. For each couple, this growing process will look a little different. What would it look like for you? (You don’t have to over-share. I’d just love your interaction and comments!) NOTE: Guys, you can substitute the “him” words in the post to “her”, because guys can over-help and over-control, too. Just saying…  “I feel so unfocused and disorganized!” said my friend Laura. She had been downsized from her job, moved, and was trying to decide whether to get married again. “How can I manage all this change?" she asked. “It’s hard for me to be intentional. What in the world that is, anyway?” Perhaps like Laura, you wonder what I mean when I write about “becoming an intentional woman.” Although it's a process and not always easy, it is possible. I can't change anyone else, but I can make positive changes in my own attitudes and behavior. An intentional woman with a heart for God:
 Yet I believe that the key reason for living intentionally is to glorify God as the person He created you to be. In honoring our uniqueness, you and I come before our Creator and Savior with freedom and integrity. Just writing that down makes my shoulders relax and my breath to flow easier. How about you?
What's one word that reminds you of an "becoming an intentional woman"? *Preparing to facilitate/teach an Intentional Woman Seminar this weekend led me to share this tonight.  “What about spending time producing nothing but adrenaline, laughter, memories? What about spending some of the day in sheer, unapologetic uselessness–not just ceasing from our utilitarian existence, but turning it right on its head?” writes Mark Buchanan in his relief-packed book, The Rest of God.
That’s what I plan to do! On my vacation. I leave in the morning and I’m not working in the office again until Dec. 10! I’m going to play, lollygag, laugh, and make memories with my husband Richard. Ahhh! This I know tonight: God loves me when I work. God loves me when I play. God loves me when I lollygag. And He gives me all these renewal-producing gifts to enjoy. You, too! When will you take some time to play and lollygag? Perhaps you did so recently. How was it? |
Joan C. WebbWriting, teaching, coaching to empower and set free. |
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