Joan C. Webb
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   Joan's BLOG

Controlling & Forcing "Love"

2/15/2010

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LOVE CAN BE CONFUSING


Yesterday was LOVE day 2010. Love is a feel-good emotion.  Yet it can be confusing.  At times I think I’ve tried to control the way my spouse, friends and family show their love for me. Over the years in my coaching and mentoring work, I’ve noticed others do this, too. To fulfill our personal dreams, we sometimes push our “loving” ideas on others. Yet this type of love can be limiting. It inhibits intimacy and contentment.  True love resists imposing our perfectionistic concepts of love on one another.

CHARACTERISTICS OF HEALTHY LOVE

Healthy love relationships include these characteristics:

1. Allowing for individuality. Differing talents or temperaments do not threaten true love. Feelings and thoughts can be expressed without fear.

2. Not attempting to change the other. We may not like everything about our partner, yet when we consider the total picture we are able to be more accepting.

3. Caring with detachment. Healthy love cares, listens, and responds; yet does not try to fix or remove the uncomfortable feelings of the lover or loved one.

4. Affirming equality of self and partner. A mature relationship treats the partners as equals. There is no sense of competition, one-upmanship or power-posturing.

LOVE–A JUGGLING ACT?

When we practice mature love, we accept what the other person is able or willing to give at the current moment. We allow each other space to grow and develop.

I’m asking God to teach me more about love. I don’t wish to make inappropriate demands. At the same time, I want to be real, authentic and upfront. Truthfully, it can feel like a juggling act. What do you think?

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    Joan C. Webb

    Writing, teaching, coaching to empower and set free.
    Joan is an inspirational speaker, Bible teacher, Life Coach, and author of 13 books including It's a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life, The Relief of Imperfection, The Intentional Woman. She does consulting, as well as Life Coaching, for writers, speakers, ministry leaders and entrepreneurs.

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"Are you tired? Come to me. ...Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
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  • Home
  • Blog
  • Spiritual Direction
  • Life Coaching
    • Life Coaching Brochure
    • What Others Say about Life Coaching
    • LifePlan Brochure
  • Enneagram Coaching
    • What others say about the Enneagram Coaching
    • Contact Joan About Enneagram Coaching
    • Enneagram Spiritual Formation Coaching Resources
  • The Intentional Woman
    • The Intentional Woman Mission/Vision
    • The Intentional Woman Authors
    • IW LifePlan
  • Freebies
  • Books
    • Nourishment for New Moms
    • The Intentional Woman
    • The Relief of Imperfection
    • It's a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life
    • Everyday Wisdom
    • Devotions for Little Boys and Girls
    • Meditations for Christians Who Try to Be Perfect
    • Joan's Writing Contributions
  • Connect with Joan
    • About Joan
    • Listen to Joan