Joan C. Webb
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   Joan's BLOG

Addicted to Action

9/15/2013

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“I know I’m late. But I don’t feel like I’m being productive or that I’ve achieved my goals unless I’m rushing and at least a half-hour late for each appointment,” said my client as he burst through the door and sprinted past me toward our conference room.

My internal reaction was: Well, Vic, you must feel a great sense of accomplishment today! He had arrived one and a half hours past our scheduled appointment time. Although I didn’t share his philosophy, something in his behavior rang a bell with me. Perhaps I was in awareness-mode, because several weeks later I admitted my own workaholic lifestyle. I was burned-out and wanted to change.

Slowly I began to understand that the narrower definition of a workaholic is someone who is addicted to action. An action addict (like Vic and me) is driven to do too much, expect too much, rush too much and prove too much. Some refer to it as the “hurry sickness.” It can happen to either gender, yet Dr. Brent W. Bost, an obstetrician-gynecologist in Beaumont, Texas estimates that there are 30 million women in America who are so over-scheduled and over-stressed that it negatively affects their physical health, sex life, jobs, and relationships.

The next time someone gives you the ultimate compliment for an action-addict: “You’re so busy. How do you do it all?” consider letting that be a signal to STOP. The antidote to action-addiction is to cease doing for a while. Be quiet. Rest. It will feel wrong. Your body, mind and emotions tell you that you must keep going. 

This advice to cease doing for a while reminds me of Psalm 46:10 in The Message: “[Stop!] Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything.”

Experts insist that this is a vital step, just as it is important for the alcoholic-addicted person to stop drinking. Your body needs to detox from the chemicals aroused by your constant action. It will be quite difficult--and so worth it. For more information about action-addiction watch for next week's blog “Are You an Adrenaline Junkie?”


What would it take for you to STOP for a while?


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Fight Procrastination Day!

9/7/2013

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Yesterday was "Fight Procrastination Day" and I procrastinated in posting this blog to my site. Does that mean I put the "PRO" in procrastination? 

The dictionary indicates that to procrastinate means to defer action, to delay until an opportunity is lost. Dr. Ellis, a counselor who specializes in the issue of procrastination, defines procrastination as deciding to do something and then not doing it.  

Now, I want to clarify something. Delay and procrastination are not the same thing. There may be a legitimate reason for a delay. Procrastination is "to delay until it is too late."   

For example, say you received the brochure for a conference related to your field of interest. You read it, the workshops looked beneficial to you and you made the decision to go. But then you set the info aside and put off following through by calling to ask your questions, checking your calendar and registering...until it was too late. Then the day of the conference arrived and the opportunity was gone. You missed it.   

If this is your modus operandi and you really want to do it differently, there is hope. You can change. 
  1. Decide you don't want to live this way anymore. Acknowledge your need to someone who will listen and help you stay accountable.
  2. Discover and admit the misconceptions that lead to your procrastination. (For example: I've got to do perfectly or not at all.)
  3. Replace your misconception with the truth. (For example: Perfection on this earth is not possible. Only God is perfect. I need only do the best I can at any given time and even that might fluctuate.)
  4. As a Christian, you can then surrender the entire journey to God and trust that He is able to guide you through the changing process.
  5. Remain committed to your decision for new habits and attitudes. Keep walking through the fear that often accompanies any unfamiliar process of positive change.

And here are 10 practical tips for ceasing to put the "PRO" in procrastination. (Not in order of importance)
  •   Accept (or start) a new major project only when you have released an existing one.
  •   Set mini-goals when working on an extended project. Some call it "chunk-a-sizing." Then the entire long-term goal      does not hang over your head continually.
  •   Stop the negative thought patterns that throws the "misconception" in your face. Develop a system that works for    you.
  •   Delegate the workload.
  •   Become friends with "time."
  •   Ask questions. Ask for help. Then accept it. 
  •   Cultivate a support system.
  •   Learn to say "no" as well as "yes."
  •   Remember that less is sometimes more.
  •   Recognize and accept your limitations. (Even Jesus couldn't be in two places at once while here on this earth.) 

Which tip will you try this week?


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Are You Burning Out?

7/18/2013

29 Comments

 

Maybe It's Compassion Fatigue

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“I’m so tired. People keep telling me I should slow down. But there's just so much to do, I can’t seem to figure out a way to do it. I forgot another appointment this morning. It’s embarrassing. I just can’t get myself in gear. To tell you the truth, I really don’t care much about the things that I care about anymore.” 
These are the words of a person on the burnout fast-track. Yet an admission like this doesn’t only come from the lips of someone who continually stays too long working at the office. Burnout (or compassion fatigue) happens to ministry leaders, conscientious college students, service-related workers, volunteers, caring spouses and parents, as well as executives. Perhaps it’s happening to you or someone you love.
Awareness is an important step out of this joy-robbing dilemma. The following questions can help you assess your situation: 
  • Do you sometimes feel a little or a lot depressed?
  • Are you grouchier than you used to be?
  • Do you have a tough time relaxing?
  • Do you hurry even when your circumstances don’t warrant it? 
  • Are you exhausted on a regular basis?
  • Do you hustle from project to project without taking time to celebrate or enjoy your success? 
  • Are you angry/resentful and can’t figure out why?
  • Do you spend less time with friends and family—or just having fun?
  • Do you work harder and longer, but achieve less?
  • Is life becoming a chore?
If you answered yes to several of these questions in the left column, you may be playing with fire. Yet you can make new choices that will help you recover fun, balance, and energy. 

Taking this simple questionnaire and admitting your need to yourself, a safe friend and God is a courageous first step. For greater clarity in your process of recovery from compassion fatigue, watch for next week's blog post “When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Burned Out.”
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Have you ever experienced any of the above symptoms of "compassion fatigue"? For an opportunity to WIN an autographed copy of my book, The Relief of Imperfection, please leave a comment (even "I'd like the book!" will do.) on this blog and your name will be entered in the July 26, 2013 drawing. 

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Is God Disappointed in Me? 

4/29/2013

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“Perfectionists minimize their moral and ethical plus-side and magnify their failings,” writes Miriam Elliott and Susan Meltsner in the book The Perfectionist Predicament. I’ve noticed this phenomenon in clients, friends, family members and yes, even myself. (No surprise, huh?) 

I watched one woman hang her head in shame when her job circumstances prevented her from attending a church meeting. Another mentioned how bad she felt that her sick child kept her from having her private prayer time for a few days.

I can give myself grief for not posting an inspirational blog on time or taking too long to respond to a hurting person who sent me an email over the weekend. What’s wrong with you, Joan? It’s like we set up unrealistic spiritual expectations and then worry that God is disappointed in us.

However, here’s what I’m learning (and I love it): God doesn’t withdraw His grace, compassion or support when we fall short in our own eyes. Once we accept the invitation to be His child, He’ll never change His mind. He gives us unique spiritual gifts and then employs us for service accordingly. God’s gift of grace, as well as His promise to comfort, provide for and protect us, are undeserved benefits. His call and gifts are irrevocable. (Romans 11:29)

Grace is the face love wears when it meets IMPERFECTION! Will you give yourself a little “grace” today?


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How Annette Funicello Influenced Me!

4/10/2013

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Annette! My twin-cousin Jean and I loved that name. We watched Annette Funicello on TV. Jean and I even dreamed of naming our daughters (someday in the future) that pretty name, “Annette.” (Jean on left. Joan on right in photo. How about that "pompadour"??)

But we couldn’t both have daughters named Annette. Solution: Jean’s first-born was a girl and she named her “Annette.” She was (and is!) beautiful just like Annette Funicello; dark hair, glowing olive skin, lovely smile. I named my first-born (a girl, also!) Lynnette. She’s beautiful, too, with blond hair, fairer skin and a gorgeous smile. 

Then I grew up to write a book about how joy and imperfection can co-exist titled  The Relief of Imperfection. Annette Funicello grew up to act, dance and sing in movies, eventually developing multiple sclerosis and showing us all that indeed joy, pain and imperfection can co-exist.

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Annette Funicello said, “Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful!” Her words so impressed me that I quoted her on page 123 of The Intentional Woman book that I co-wrote with Carol Travilla. And two books later, Annette’s quote led way to the title of my devotional book, It’s a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life, for women who strive too hard to make it all just right.

It’s amazing how one person can personally impact another and never know about it. One article I read quoted Annette Funicello as saying, “I thank God I just didn’t wake up one morning and not be able to walk. You learn to live with it [MS]. …This just makes me appreciate the Lord even more because things could always be worse. I know he will see me through this.” After Annette’s death on Monday, April 8, 2013 in Bakersfield (the city where my two children were born), her daughter Gina said, “She’s on her toes dancing in heaven … no more MS.”

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Annette Funicello touched my life in numerous personal ways, although she didn’t know it here on this earth. Whether we realize it or not, we impact and influence others during our lives, also. That truth encourages to me today, because sometimes (I admit it!) I stress about whether I’ve done enough for God or if I’ve made a difference in the lives of the people He planned for me to touch. So today I’ll cease trying so hard to make that happen and let God orchestra the connections. He can do it, just like He connected Annette and me.

Do you have an “Annette Funicello” story? Or a thought about how God makes connections that inspire? Please leave me a comment. I’d love to hear from you.

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I'm Tired. God's Not!

10/13/2012

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I’m tired. Maybe you are, also. Yet God isn’t tired.

He never feels too exhausted to paint His sky brilliant blue or toss white clouds in for contrast. Every day He creates a majestic creative masterpiece in the Colorado mountains whether I’m there or not. (And I’m not often, since I live in the entirely different beauty of the Arizonan desert). But last weekend I breathed, walked, prayed, discovered, and interacted in the crisp (29-32 degrees) clear mountain air. Remember when I mentioned that I was flying to a Life Coaching Summit in Breckenridge, CO?

Here’s what I saw at the trail head:

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[Below] And while standing amazed at Hoosier Pass-The Continental Divide (11,600 miles high.) I had on 7 layers to keep warm! 
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[Below] And while walking in the marsh behind the cabin that housed all fifteen of us with room to spare. (Janai, that’s you in the window!) Notice the moon?
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[Below] With my tribe of Life Coaches/Transformational Workers (Janai, Joan, Dawnita, Sarah)

How my heart has expanded to love these women who I never knew until 18 months ago!

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[Below] Yes, it snowed! (And while 90 degrees back home!) I’ve always loved the combination of white-tipped mountains and pine trees drizzled like snow-cones. Tall evergreens make me feel appropriately small AND loved by the BIG God who makes them.
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And then just because God knows how much I LOVE flowers, He sent one to greet me in Denver. Thanks, Dawnita, for holding it still in the fierce wind. It was almost colder in Denver than in Breckenridege!)
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8/2/2006

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    Joan C. Webb

    Writing, teaching, coaching to empower and set free.
    Joan is an inspirational speaker, Bible teacher, Life Coach, and author of 13 books including It's a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life, The Relief of Imperfection, The Intentional Woman. She does consulting, as well as Life Coaching, for writers, speakers, ministry leaders and entrepreneurs.

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"Are you tired? Come to me. ...Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
​Jesus (Matthew 11:28-30)

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  • Home
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