What Proverbs Says About People-Pleasing

An honest answer is like a warm hug.  Proverbs 24:26 (The Message)
 
Know anyone who pushes too hard to make everything—or at least something--just right? Perhaps you’re the one who over-helps, over-tries, and over-does ... and you’re tired. What motivates you to continue this exhausting pattern? Maybe you’re trying to avoid someone’s disapproval by saying yes when you’d rather say no, whether at home, work, church, or in your community. God wants to protect you from over-work, weariness, and burnout. Sometimes no is the most honest (and gracious) answer you can give. It’s like giving yourself a warm hug--or receiving one from a caring friend (as in this photo.) ​

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Sometimes people-pleasing can rob us of enjoying ourselves, one another, and even God. ​When we're overly concerned about what others will think about us and our decisions or choices, we get pre-occupied with satisfying (or placating) people, and miss the joy-filled freedom God offers us in the moment. 
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Maybe you've experienced a recurring pattern something like this: Your friend wants you to do one thing. Your spouse suggests something else. Both their ideas are different than what your boss, mentor, or pastor asks of you. You feel torn. You’re afraid that if you do what one would like, the other person will be displeased. You get that troubling, yet familiar pit in your stomach. You might even feel like you're in an internal tug-of-war or on a dizzying gerbil wheel, because the truth is that you really don't want to keep catering to what everyone else wants, especially when it doesn't  seem like it is what you want or even what God wants. You can change your people-pleasing approach to life, work, and relationships. 

Proverbs says that "being afraid of people can get you into trouble, but if you trust the LORD, you will be safe." (Prov. 29:25 NCV) God will help you off this exhausting merry-go-round.  Ask Him how to start the transforming process and trust His loving response. Then actively notice what He is showing you about it all. It is a process. Partnering with God to help you be more honest with yourself and others will begin setting you free from the people-pleasing trap. Perhaps it will be like experiencing God's warm caring hug.  

​Adapted from Everyday Wisdom by Joan C. Webb (Barbour Publishing)