Maybe It's Compassion Fatigue
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If you’re like many moms I know, you’re tired. Weary. Crying babies. Sassy Teens. You love your kids AND sometimes you just want a little relief. Maybe you can’t escape to your dream-get-away right now, but you could use an energy-break. Here’s four doable relief-tips for you: 1. Ask “What do I really want to do?” When you’re in a quandary about a decision, hopefully your response(s) will help you decipher which is your desire or need and not merely what someone else wants you to do. (Trying to make everyone happy and follow their advice can be truly exhausting.) 2. When you get into bed at night, instead of praying “Lord, what did I do wrong today?” and then ruminating about what you coulda- shoulda- woulda done, pray, “What did I do right, Lord?” Then listen to how God’s spirit prompts you, and praise Him for your blessings and His help. (Constant negative self-talk can rob your energy–and your joy.) 3. When you’re overly tired, lacking energy, or just plain overwhelmed with the mundaneness of mommy-hood, ask yourself “Since I’m going to do this activity or task anyway, how can I do it easier–or even with a little fun)? (Doing something you enjoy, like listening to your fav music while accomplishing an unpleasant task can actually revitalize you.) 4. Before you get out of bed and/or reach over to pick up your baby in the morning or greet your early-bird toddler, take thirty seconds to talk to God. Request His guidance and help for your day. Consider asking, “Lord, what do You want to show me today?” Then watch for evidence of His love and direction. (Anticipating good things can be an attitude and energy booster. And a way to get to know God more intimately.) So…Happy Mother’s Day, Mommy! Recently we’ve been surrounded with news of death, explosions, and terror perpetrated on innocent men, women and children. Pain is deep; grief inevitable. Like others, I’ve struggled to find words of comfort and hope. Then I remembered something God showed me through an experience that His Son Jesus had while He lived here on earth. When one of His best friends died, Jesus arrived in town several days after the burial. At the grave Jesus wept tears of sorrow and anger — sorrow at the death of His friend and anger at the unbelief and wrong so prevalent in an imperfect and decaying world.* Like Jesus, we feel angry and sad when we see the devastating effects of sin and unfaith. Death, abuse, injustice, and pain are the natural results of living in a world that ignores its Creator and doesn’t value others. Both anger and grief are normal responses to death, evil, and injustice. As long as we live on this damaged planet, we will experience these and other disturbing emotions. I believe that one day we who have chosen to follow Jesus, will join Him in a sorrow free place. Until then, like Jesus, we can allow ourselves to grieve, to care, to pray and to help wherever we can. So I’m praying, “Lord, teach me to be honest with my own human emotions, to accept people when they hurt, and to reach out – all while dreaming of a better day to come.” Want to join me? * Jesus’ story from John 11:33-38. Dad and I walked from our hotel along the Nile to a large church near downtown Cairo. We arrived early, but the church was packed on this Palm Sunday morning. Ushers set up folding chairs in the aisles. People crowded the narthex. The standing crowd parted to allow the fifty blue-robed choir members to march down the center aisle. They carried palm branches and sang. We couldn’t understand the words, but we read them in the “guest” bulletin. “I love you, Lord. Come and be with us…” they sang. I cried. The articulate pastor met with us after the worship service. “We all have something to give, whether Western or Eastern Christians,” he said. “If we learn how to share, then people would know that the giver cares and sees the receiver as a fellow human being and brother.” He explained that was why he appreciated the Christian relief and development program I worked with at the time. We partnered together to offer food, training, jobs, and transportation to deeply disadvantaged families. The pastor’s daughter, a physician visiting from the United States, talked with us that afternoon. “As a child I wondered continually when someone would come take my dad away. “Yes,” admitted the pastor. “I’ve been in danger of being jailed almost every day of my life.” I chatted with the daughter (who practiced medicine in the U.S.) about topics like over-working, exhaustion, transition and burnout. “You know what it’s like to race inside, don’t you?” I asked. “Oh, yes,” she admitted. “It’s like a treadmill — if I try to get off I will fall.” Then she recounted stories about two of her patients who did fall off the treadmill during testing. We chuckled at the analogy. Although this happened years ago, I think of it today as I celebrate Palm Sunday 2013. Jesus left His perfectly supportive surroundings in heaven to live in this fickle world. One week He was adored, praised and openly honored with parades and palm branches. The next week He was mocked and killed. Seems so unfair. Yet, Jesus came for a purpose–the ultimate purpose!–to sacrifice His life so that all of us can be re-united with our perfect Creator God. All of us, the burned-out doctor, threatened pastor, penniless parent, and caring giver. It doesn’t matter where you live or what’s happening in your life, Jesus says (about himself), “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish [spiritually] but have eternal life.” It’s God’s personal invitation to you. If you’ve accepted this loving offer, what does this Palm Sunday 2013 mean to you? How are you celebrating today? Note: To protect the people involved, I changed some details of this true experience of mine, left out names and exact places, and chosen not to post actual photos. It’s hard to relax when our personal satisfaction hinges on what someone else does or doesn’t do–or does or doesn’t believe. Doesn’t he know it could work better if he just listened to my plan? Doesn’t she get it? If you’re a little muddled about how over-helping, perfectionism and playing God are linked, you’re not alone. I’m often puzzled, too. Even experts get confused trying to sort all this out. On occasion, God splashes light into my fogginess through humorous life predicaments. Because all the universe is under God’s domain, I’ve found He can use anything to teach, nurture and grow me. (I love how He does that!) Sometimes new insight comes from surprising venues. Like that aha! moment I had while watching the movie Driving Miss Daisy a few years ago. The wealthy Miss Daisy and her longtime chauffeur have both aged considerably. As they discuss their situations, Miss Daisy accuses the chauffeur of continuing to drive even though his eyesight is failing. “How do you know how I can see, ‘lessen you look out my eyes?” is his response. My immediate internal reaction: Whoa! Lord, forgive me for thinking I’m powerful enough to know another’s needs. I realize I will never see their life from their view. I want to learn to treat others with respect. Please help me. The apostle Paul, in his first letter to the Corinthians, cautions us about assuming we know another human being’s thoughts and feelings: “No one can really know what anyone else is thinking, or what he is really like, except that person himself” (1 Cor. 2:11, TLB). I’m continuing to discover the relief-filled truth that I can progressively release my need/urge to do and make it all just right for the people in my life. First step: intentionally trust God for what is not mine to control or direct. Then I can begin to enjoy living in the freedom and grace He patiently waits to give me–and others. Just wondering: Have you ever experienced what it feels like when someone insists they know what you’re thinking, what you need and how you should resolve your dilemma? “I feel so unfocused and disorganized!” said my friend Laura. She had been downsized from her job, moved, and was trying to decide whether to get married again. “How can I manage all this change?" she asked. “It’s hard for me to be intentional. What in the world that is, anyway?” Perhaps like Laura, you wonder what I mean when I write about “becoming an intentional woman.” Although it's a process and not always easy, it is possible. I can't change anyone else, but I can make positive changes in my own attitudes and behavior. An intentional woman with a heart for God:
Yet I believe that the key reason for living intentionally is to glorify God as the person He created you to be. In honoring our uniqueness, you and I come before our Creator and Savior with freedom and integrity. Just writing that down makes my shoulders relax and my breath to flow easier. How about you? What's one word that reminds you of an "becoming an intentional woman"? *Preparing to facilitate/teach an Intentional Woman Seminar this weekend led me to share this tonight.
Well, I’ll tell you. In January when I returned rested and replenished, I had new energy to work on the website I’ve been dragging my feet about for the last six months. It’s not quite done. I still have some content to write and edit and photos to add. But the “Books” drop down is complete and so is the new bookstore. Try it out!
I have an entirely new “BRAND”, as my son would say. He’s the one who has been helping me create this new look. New business cards. New colors. New coaching and lifeplan brochures which are now “one-pagers.”(They’ll be on my site later.) So click on over to take a quick SNEAK PEEK at my new site. (It’s not even launched yet, so you really are peeking. Enjoy!) Then tell me what you think. I’d love to hear from you. I’m feeling pretty imperfect right now. Fallible. Flawed. Tired. Small. Tonight I read the following words from the chapter titled “Doesn’t God Want Me to Be Perfect?” in my book, The Relief of Imperfection and I sighed with relief. So I thought I’d share it with you. What’s your response?
It is God’s plan to partner with sinful, flawed, limited human beings who choose to follow His Son Jesus Christ. During His 33 years on earth, Jesus surrounded Himself with perfectly imperfect people who decided to admit their needs, take risks, make mistakes and grow. These are the kind of people who formed His ministry team. Actually, He didn’t spend much time with those who feigned perfection, appeared on-top-of-it-all, made unreasonable religious rules, blamed others for their dilemmas and remained preoccupied with appearances. Instead He preferred working, playing and living with people just like you and me. He enjoyed imperfect partnerships back then, just as He does today. What a relief! P.S. The words on the rock in the photo are “Grace is the face love wears when it meets imperfection.” Reminds me that although I’m feeling quite flawed right now, I’m still loved. Okay, now I’m smiling! |
Joan C. WebbWriting, teaching, coaching to empower and set free. |