After your Mother's Day celebration, you may be back to your regular mommy-routine, wondering how you can do your mom-role in the way that fits you best. When it comes to life and time management as a mother, it can be helpful to consider your personality style. For a brief overview of how you approach managing your life and time, answer these simple questions. Circle (in your mind) the questions or statements that best describe you. Read each of the couplet questions below and think about which most represents what you prefer to do. A1. Are you recharged by activity, interaction, and conversation with others? OR A2. Do you gain renewed energy by being and working alone or one-on-one and by writing down your thoughts? B1. Do you like to make immediate decisions and have a motto something like “Let’s get going. We’ve got lots to do.” Do you feel stressed when you’re forced to slow down and do nothing for extended periods of time? OR B2. Are you more comfortable discovering all the possibilities and reflecting before you decide and have a motto similar to “If something’s worth doing, it’s worth taking time and doing it well.” Do you get physically and emotionally drained when you feel pushed into including too many fast-paced activities on your calendar for too long? C1. Would you rather focus on the facts and figures about a problem/issue and like to organize your agenda and stick to the plan? OR C2. Do you notice your feelings easily, like to tell stories, and focus on what others are doing and feeling before you try to figure out solutions? GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK After reflecting on your answers to the above questions, what would you say about your mommy-self right now? Remember, whatever you surmise at the current time is not set in stone. You’re an adaptable woman, and you just might think and react differently at another season of your life. Give yourself a break. When I sat my sleep-deprived mommy-self down years ago and asked, “Well, Joan, what do you need right now?” My spontaneous response was “a little spiral notebook”* to write down when I last nursed my baby girl and to record my needs and grocery items as I thought of them. Pretty simple, huh? I kept it in a pocket or on a table where I fed the baby. Now it’s your turn. When it comes to your current mom time-schedule related issues, what do you need? What’s the first thing that pops into your brain? Nothing? Well, then, what’s the second thing that pops into you mind? There are no right-or-wrong responses to these questions, so relax. Move away from the it’s-either-black-or-white thinking. When it comes to scheduling and timing in your motherhood role, do what works for you and your family. What did you discover about your mom-role? * That was a long time ago. I might decide to use my iPhone for this now!!)
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Mom, your life has changed! (You're probably saying under your breath, NO KIDDING!) You have a lot to manage. Your situation is not exactly like your best friend’s circumstances. You have unique needs and so does your family. You don't have to do your mothering like anyone else -- even those you admire greatly. You can STOP the Mom-Comparison-Game and set grace-filled goals that match YOU and your family. It's okay with God to slow it down and do what fits you. “Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. . . . Don’t compare yourself with others. "Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life” (Galatians 6:4–5 MSG). You’re the Mom; God’s Your Helper. The following suggestions are designed to assist you in discovering your unique motherhood needs:
Which of these suggestions will YOU try this week? Adapted from an excerpt in Nourishment for New Moms by Joan C. Webb. GIVE YOURSELF OR ANOTHER MOTHER THIS SPECIAL GIFT FOR MOTHER'S DAY! Find the answers and encouragement you need to tackle this life-altering transition in the sage advice, practical strategies, and biblically based pointers in my book Nourishment for New Moms. It's sure to help you survive the challenges of motherhood--with grace, poise and humor intact. [Joan is taking some time-off and has asked her friend and fellow-writer Kathy Collard Miller to share an excerpt from her helpful new book about worry and trying to over-help. Comment below to put your name in the hat to win an autographed copy of PARTLY CLOUDY WITH SCATTERED WORRIES. Drawing on 11/10/13.] There’s something deep inside of us that believes worry can change others. If someone we love has a different perspective than we do, we worry. If someone we love has a different belief about God, we worry. If someone we love has a character flaw, we worry. We just know their wrong thinking will mess up their lives. Some of these worries may truly seem “worthy” of worry. Your mother may not know Christ as her Savior, and she has cancer. Your son may be on the street taking drugs. Your friend may demonstrate a lack of integrity at work. Another friend drives while intoxicated. You may have tried to reason, cajole, quote Scripture, even manipulate each person into changing their ideas and their behavior, but nothing has worked—not even prayer. God hasn’t changed them either. You fear something bad, really bad, is going to happen. Even if it’s not a matter of something really bad occurring, we can easily take responsibility for someone else’s happiness and then try to change them. A verse that has helped me in releasing that worry is: “Let us therefore, as many as are perfect, have this attitude; and if in anything you have a different attitude, God will reveal that also to you” (Philippians 3:15 NASB). If God has the ability to give you and me a different attitude, He can do it for anyone. He is powerful and creative. When we worry or feel like we have to change someone’s ideas, we are saying, “God, you aren’t effective enough. You aren’t creative enough to work in this person’s life. I’ve got to do it myself.” When I think of how God creatively worked in our daughter Darcy’s life, I sense the tears coming. Darcy went to Denmark for a semester of college and requested to live in the home of a Danish family. At that time, Darcy was friendly with us, but distant emotionally. But while in Denmark, our phone calls soon were centered on how badly her Danish “mother” was treating her— ignoring her and saying mean things to her. Larry and I were incensed, as most parents would be, and I began to worry about my daughter’s emotional health. Then my worry fueled anger toward this woman who had no right to treat my daughter like that. We suggested Darcy move to on-campus housing, but she wanted to stick it out. Since we couldn’t afford to go visit her (I would have loved to give that woman a piece of my mind), I had to stew over it … in the beginning. Then I saw God’s work in Darcy’s life. Because of her circumstances, she began to appreciate our family as she never had before. In comparison to the way her Danish family treated her, we were looking pretty good. In fact, fabulous. I’d never heard as much love and warmth in Darcy’s voice as when we talked with her. Shortly before she returned home, she sent a Christmas card and wrote in it: Dear Dad, Mom, and Mark: Since I can’t be there with you for Christmas, I’m writing to tell you how much I’ll miss not being there and how much I love you all. Being away has really made me realize how awesome a family you are. I love and appreciate all of you so much! I can’t wait to come home to see you all. Give my love to the rest of the family. I’ll be seeing you on January 6. Love, Darcy. That was in 1994. After Darcy returned, her appreciation for our family continued to rise to great heights, and it all started with something I was worried about. It’s every mother’s longing to have her child value their family. But in our case, God accomplished this through mistreatment, something I would have changed if I could. But if I had, the good results God intended would not have occurred. Even today, when we talk about that situation, Darcy remarks, “Oh, yes, God really used that in my life.” We don’t want to thwart God’s changes in those we love, do we? We need to make sure worry doesn’t prevent His work. Let’s live like we believe Philippians 3:15: God can change others. NOTE FROM JOAN: Kathy and I seem to think alike in many areas and even write about similar topics. I love the above story and so appreciate the message. We can't change/fix others through over-helping or over-worrying. Only God can change hearts! This book is worth reading. Maybe you can WIN it. Just COMMENT here on this blog and my assistant Karen will put your name in the hat and then draw the winning name. She'll let you know who won while I'm on vacation. It is possible to worry less through trusting God more. Regardless of the storms of trials, temptations, worry, uncertainty, confusion, or regrets that you're facing, you can trust God more. Partly Cloudy with Scattered Worries offers a conversational style, personal testimonies, practical illustrations, and solid biblical teaching for breaking anxiety and the devastating effects of worry. Each chapter includes Discussion Questions for individuals or groups, along with a “Letter from God.” In addition, a profile of a woman in the Bible who struggled with or experienced victory over worry is featured in each chapter to inspire every reader to see God's hand in her life. Kathy Collard Miller is a speaker and author. Her passion is to inspire women to trust God more. She has spoken in 30 states and 7 foreign countries. Kathy has 49 published books including Women of the Bible: Smart Guide to the Bible (Thomas Nelson) and she blogs at www.KathyCollardMiller.blogspot.com. Kathy lives in Southern California with her husband of 43 years, Larry, and is the proud grandma of Raphael. Kathy and Larry often speak together at marriage events and retreats. [It's Dad's Day! I just read this "Father's Day" article from the Presidential Prayer Team. I thought you might find it interesting as I did. Enjoy! And pray the prayer suggestions along with me.] Poll Reveals Most Men Want To Be Dads (Saturday, June 15, 2013) More than eight out of ten men say they want to be fathers or think they’d like to be one someday. That compares to seven out of ten mothers who said they always knew they wanted to have children. The Associated Press survey also found that 69 percent of men said their long-standing desire to have children was an important factor in their decision to have kids. The poll also found that dads were more likely than moms to say they saw positive effects from fatherhood on both their love life and career. They also said they are just as likely as moms to say fatherhood improved their overall happiness, sense of accomplishment and sense of purpose. Men surveyed also were more skeptical than women that a single mother can do as good a job raising a child as two parents can. (Sources: AP, ABC) As the Lord leads, please pray:
To help you pray for our country, leaders and families, you can receive daily short prayer guides from the Presidential Prayer Team just as I do. Click here to sign up. (My FUN: The photo is of my son Rich with 2 of his 3 sons!) If you’re like many moms I know, you’re tired. Weary. Crying babies. Sassy Teens. You love your kids AND sometimes you just want a little relief. Maybe you can’t escape to your dream-get-away right now, but you could use an energy-break. Here’s four doable relief-tips for you: 1. Ask “What do I really want to do?” When you’re in a quandary about a decision, hopefully your response(s) will help you decipher which is your desire or need and not merely what someone else wants you to do. (Trying to make everyone happy and follow their advice can be truly exhausting.) 2. When you get into bed at night, instead of praying “Lord, what did I do wrong today?” and then ruminating about what you coulda- shoulda- woulda done, pray, “What did I do right, Lord?” Then listen to how God’s spirit prompts you, and praise Him for your blessings and His help. (Constant negative self-talk can rob your energy–and your joy.) 3. When you’re overly tired, lacking energy, or just plain overwhelmed with the mundaneness of mommy-hood, ask yourself “Since I’m going to do this activity or task anyway, how can I do it easier–or even with a little fun)? (Doing something you enjoy, like listening to your fav music while accomplishing an unpleasant task can actually revitalize you.) 4. Before you get out of bed and/or reach over to pick up your baby in the morning or greet your early-bird toddler, take thirty seconds to talk to God. Request His guidance and help for your day. Consider asking, “Lord, what do You want to show me today?” Then watch for evidence of His love and direction. (Anticipating good things can be an attitude and energy booster. And a way to get to know God more intimately.) So…Happy Mother’s Day, Mommy!
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Joan C. WebbWriting, teaching, coaching to empower and set free. |