Joan C. Webb
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   Joan's BLOG

Are You Working This Labor Day Weekend?

8/30/2013

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During a business dinner, an associate asked me about the book I was writing (The Relief of Imperfection.) When I mentioned the topic of perfectionistic thinking, workaholic behavior and burnout, he nodded and said, "Well, those things are not worth dying for!"

Soon after this I read an article about a trend called "downshifting." Downshifters are men and women who choose to leave all-consuming jobs for a little slower pace so they can experience more enjoyment in their lives. I don't know about you, but I admit this sounds really good. 

Happy Labor Day weekend 2013! Perhaps you're really grateful that you get an extra day off. Or maybe you're one of the many who work through the holiday weekend. Before I write/say anything else, I want to acknowledge that I'm grateful for the opportunity and ability to work. You probably are, also (whether its work for ministry, volunteer service, an income-producing job, home schooling or taking care of your babies.)

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More and more I talk with people in my coaching, mentoring, and every day life who are realizing that striving and working all the time (to be the best parent, to constantly reach for full potential for yourself and your family, to get more clients and make more money, to help others with very little time to refuel) is not what God had in mind when we made us with the capability to work. There is more to life.

Life includes:
  • enjoying nature, 
  • pursuing hobbies, 
  • developing talents, 
  • deepening relationships,
  • serving others, and 
  • knowing and enjoying God. 

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LIFE is worth living for. So this weekend, how about STOPPING the work for a little while to focus on one of the life's enjoyments listed above. What do you choose? Whatever it is, have fun!

You want to pray with me? God, teach me the meaning of life with its balance of labor, rest, and enjoyment. Slow me down to listen. I know "It’s useless to rise early and go to bed late, and work my worried fingers to the bone. I know You enjoy giving rest [and LIFE] to those You love. (Prayer based on Psalm 127:1-2 in The Message)

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Are You A Work Anorexic, Work Binger, or Obsessive Worker?

8/16/2013

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It's the weekend! Maybe this means you're taking a break from work. Maybe not. 

In my experience as a life coach, speaker/teacher/trainer, and mentor, I've noticed that many people struggle with issues related to work and service. It matters not if they're an executive, nurse, homeschooler, ministry volunteer or a young parent. Even medical exerts agree that there's an "action-addiction" epidemic.

In her book Working Ourselves to Death, author Diane Fassel maintains that though action-addicts (another name for workaholics) work, serve, or rush a great deal, they aren't always working. 
  • There's the “work anorexic” who is afraid she’ll make a mistake, so she procrastinates and then feels so guilty that she’s immobilized.
  • There's the “work binger” who works in high-intensity spurts that become his method of medicating life’s disappointments.
  • Then there is the most noticeable workaholic; the “obsessive worker,” who accepts project after project, working long hours to ensure that it all gets done right, and everyone is helped and pleased.

Yet, even Jesus--who came to earth to do the most important work of all--said "no" sometimes. (Check out Luke 8:26-38 & Mark 5:18-20) 

The truth is: Your work & service (whether it's in the office, in the home, on the field or at church) don't have to be relentless or perfect to be significant, meaningful and productive. :-) 

I find that such a relief. What about you?

What kind of a worker are you?



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Life Beyond Burnout

8/9/2013

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"When you burn both ends of a candle, it may produce twice as much light, but the candle burns out twice as fast,” writes Myron Rush in his book, Burnout. “People experiencing burnout suddenly discover that all of their mental, emotional and physical energies have been consumed." This was true for me. I managed my family of two teenagers and developed my company into a million dollar endeavor, yet felt like a walking dead person.

"I've fried my brain,” I said. “I'll never be the same." Yet I’m a grateful burnout survivor—along with others who have learned to stop burning the candle at both ends. How’d we do it?

  1. After admitting our need, we asked for help. I went to a counselor and my medical doctor for direction. Others hired a life coach, joined a support group, acquired a caring mentor, or met with a spiritual leader.
  2. We got away from the source of the fire and gave ourselves permission and time to heal. Eventually I left my business and started a new career. Others took a much-needed extended vacation, a lighter class load, obtained assistance with family responsibilities, or removed themselves from abusive situations.
  3. We discovered the misconceptions that fueled our unrealistic expectations—and replaced them with the truth. Sample fallacy: whenever there is a need, I should fill it. Truth: I like to help and problem-solve, but most people have the ability to resolve their own dilemmas. I may rob them of self-respect when I constantly take over. We’ll both experience more freedom when I back off occasionally.
  4. We stayed committed to personal/spiritual growth and healthy self-care methods such as exercise, journaling and rest breaks.
No matter where you are in your challenging recovery remember this: There is life beyond burnout!

This post is #4 in a four week blog series on BURNOUT.
  • Week 1: Are You Burning Out? (Maybe It's Compassion Fatigue) includes short questionnaire. If you answer yes to several questions, you might be playing with fire. But awareness is an important step toward recovery.
  • Week 2: When Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Burned Out (Definition of Burnout)
  • Week 3: Stop Living Like You're on Fire - List of burnout symptoms and strategies for escaping burnout.

I'm curious: Do you think that BURNOUT really happens? And who do you think tends to be susceptible? 

(This blog series is adapted from a series of short online articles that I wrote for Genius Ave.)  
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We Don't All Need the Same Things

8/7/2013

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In a few days, I'll post the 4th blog in the BURNOUT series I've been sharing: Number Four will be "Life Beyond Burnout." 
#1 - Are You Burning Out? (Maybe It's Compassion Fatigue?)
#2 - When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Burned Out (What IS Burnout?)
#3 - Stop Living Like You're on Fire
#4 - Life Beyond Burnout (It's Coming!)

The reason I'm posting right now is because I promised the women at the LIFT Summer Refresher JUST PRESS PAUSE where I spoke on Friday that I would post the poem I wrote and read to them. So, here it is. :-)

WHAT DO YOU NEED? (It may be different than what your friend needs!)
Some of us need to stop thinking and do,
while others need to stop doing and think.
Some need to stop asking and give, though
others need to cease giving and ask.
Some of us need to stop crying and smile,
yet others need to stop smiling and cry.
Some need to stop confronting and give in,
while others need to quit compromising and confront.
Some of us need to stop waiting and run,
Though others need to stop running and wait.
Some need to practice discipline and organize, yet others need to cease
structuring themselves into a box and relax.
God is big enough to help us all. What do you need?
So "relax" because there IS life beyond burnout and because being spiritual and loving God doesn't mean you have to respond to life's surprises exactly like your Bible teacher, pastor, mother, sister, brother, best friend or spouse! :-)


By the way, I also posted the poem on The Intentional Woman Facebook Group page. I'd love to have you join us there. 
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Stop Living Like You’re on Fire 

8/3/2013

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Maybe you’re just tapping your toe in the burnout cauldron. Perhaps you’re going down for the third count. Identifying your symptoms and the degree of your burnout will help you make intentional decisions to regain healthy balance. Here’s a shortened list of symptoms ranging from the occasionally bothersome to the more severe.

1.     Decreased energy/unfocused/confused/disappointed

2.     Increased fatigue/stress/sometimes use caffeine/sweets to lift mood

3.     Change in weight/occasions of insomnia

4.     Less creativity/vanishing sense of purpose

5.     Headaches/decreased libido/muscle aches/dizziness

6.     Feelings of depression/resentment/rigidity

7.     Decreased social activity/nagging anxiety/emotional numbing

8.     Exhaustion 24/7 with inability to sleep

9.     Chest pains/shortness of breath/stomach problems/dizziness/disorientation

10.  Inappropriate outbursts/periods of risky behavior/unhealthy blood pressure/diagnosis of illness 

“If you don’t want to burnout, stop living like you’re on fire,” writes Brene Brown, a vulnerability researcher at the University of Houston. Adopting reusable freedom-producing strategies can help you avoid additional symptoms or escape an established burnout system.

  1. Develop an authentic picture of yourself. Ask 3 questions: What’s good about my life right now? What concerns me? What’s currently missing in my life?  
  2. Set realistic goals. By saying “yes” to a new project, you’ll automatically be saying “no” to something else. (If your “yes” means “no” to adequate sleep you’re not doing yourself any favors!)
  3. Ask for support. People are often pleased to help.
  4. Cultivate a detached concern for recipients of your efforts. You’re not responsibility for the success, happiness, or sobriety of another.
  5. Maintain a reasonable action plan of proper nutrition and physical exercise. Take time-outs when you need them.
After one professional woman changed her burnout-prone lifestyle, her teenager said, “Mom, you saved my life. When I saw that you could take better care of yourself, I knew I could heal from anorexia. Thanks.” Self-care is not selfish.

What has helped you avoid or recover from burnout?


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When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Burned Out

7/26/2013

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What IS Burnout or Compassion Fatigue?

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Are high-profile, well-paid, leaders who feel intense pressure to stay tough and produce that causes them to work too late and too hard the only ones who experience burnout? 
No. 
Any capable, conscientious, caring individual is susceptible. Consider this description. Burnout is a form of stress and emotional weariness and frustration that surfaces when a combination of events in a relationship, ministry, way of life, or job fails to produce an expected result. 
Sometimes burnout shows up as "Compassion Fatigue." Read my blog post titled "Are You Burning Out?" to take a short, easy awareness questionnaire to help you determine if you are headed into burnout. 

How would you define burnout? After posting this question on Facebook, I received several insightful responses  including: 
  • When my effort on a project or mission far exceeds the reward whether intrinsic or otherwise.
  • To wear myself out by excessively striving to reach some unrealistic expectation imposed by myself or by the values of others.
  • Being tired where my hopes and dreams live.
________________________
There are no overnight solutions to the burnout dilemma. Yet the initial step to becoming mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically strong again is to accept responsibility for one’s own life and health. Accepting responsibility means making decisions to reverse self-destructive thoughts and actions.
Usually the mere thought of doing something can cause a burnout victim to cringe. Over-doing is what propelled her (or him!) to this predicament. 
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However the smile-able reality is that this "doing" is not in the name of success, accomplishment, or service.
 
This "doing" is to regain life. (Yes, this picture of me in a smiley face shirt is a little ridiculous, but I hope it makes you smile and remember that there's life after burnout.)

For help in recognizing where you fit on the burnout-continuum, check out next week's blog post “Stop Living Like You’re on Fire.”

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Are You Burning Out?

7/18/2013

29 Comments

 

Maybe It's Compassion Fatigue

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“I’m so tired. People keep telling me I should slow down. But there's just so much to do, I can’t seem to figure out a way to do it. I forgot another appointment this morning. It’s embarrassing. I just can’t get myself in gear. To tell you the truth, I really don’t care much about the things that I care about anymore.” 
These are the words of a person on the burnout fast-track. Yet an admission like this doesn’t only come from the lips of someone who continually stays too long working at the office. Burnout (or compassion fatigue) happens to ministry leaders, conscientious college students, service-related workers, volunteers, caring spouses and parents, as well as executives. Perhaps it’s happening to you or someone you love.
Awareness is an important step out of this joy-robbing dilemma. The following questions can help you assess your situation: 
  • Do you sometimes feel a little or a lot depressed?
  • Are you grouchier than you used to be?
  • Do you have a tough time relaxing?
  • Do you hurry even when your circumstances don’t warrant it? 
  • Are you exhausted on a regular basis?
  • Do you hustle from project to project without taking time to celebrate or enjoy your success? 
  • Are you angry/resentful and can’t figure out why?
  • Do you spend less time with friends and family—or just having fun?
  • Do you work harder and longer, but achieve less?
  • Is life becoming a chore?
If you answered yes to several of these questions in the left column, you may be playing with fire. Yet you can make new choices that will help you recover fun, balance, and energy. 

Taking this simple questionnaire and admitting your need to yourself, a safe friend and God is a courageous first step. For greater clarity in your process of recovery from compassion fatigue, watch for next week's blog post “When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Burned Out.”
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Have you ever experienced any of the above symptoms of "compassion fatigue"? For an opportunity to WIN an autographed copy of my book, The Relief of Imperfection, please leave a comment (even "I'd like the book!" will do.) on this blog and your name will be entered in the July 26, 2013 drawing. 

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Invitation to JUST PRESS PAUSE

7/16/2013

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LIFT's Summer Refresher
Friday, August 2, 2013

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When
Friday August 2, 2013 
9:00 AM to 1:00 PM MST
Cost includes lunch:
 $10 Members $20 Non-Members
Where
La Casa de Cristo
Fellowship Hall 
6300 E. Bell Road
Scottsdale, AZ 
85254

To REGISTER click here! 
or call 602-810-1623

Message from Lift Director

Sometimes we carry burdens we were never meant to carry. That's why I'm thrilled to have Joan C. Webb come for our August Summer Refresher event title Just Press Pause. 

As Joan so aptly states:

"As dedicated, gifted, and caring Christian women we try hard to assure that our relationships, goals, faith, and ministries are "just right"-and it's so disappointing when they aren't. There is so much to do to further God's Kingdom work and we want to join Him. So we try harder and just get bone-tired. Sometimes that deep weariness is from carrying burdens that aren't ours to carry. Maybe if you're like me, you long to know what you can do to release yourself from that heavy weight. Let's come "Just Press Pause" to relax with Christ and one another, and trade our exhausting expectations for imperfect joy."


I can't wait to see you there!
Smiling in Christ,

Pam Lyons
Director of LIFT

Need a Little Break?

I want to personally invite you to a Mini-Retreat for Women's Ministry Leaders, Teams and Volunteers where I'll be sharing on Friday, August 2. I've noticed that many of us (and I'm including myself!) are experiencing "compassion fatigue" these days.

Are you craving relief -- as well as some practical ways to avoid the heaviness of "compassion fatigue"? If so, please join us as we accept Jesus' offer to "Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matt. 11:28-30 MSG

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Want to Join Us? 

Great! For the answers to your questions about registering:
  • Check out the information on left column.
  • Go to the LIFT website by clicking here. 
  • If you have additional questions, send me message by clicking here. 

Looking forward to seeing you on August 2! Remember, Life doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful and rewarding! Neither do our ministries or relationships!
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Relief-Tips for Tired Moms

5/9/2013

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If you’re like many moms I know, you’re tired. Weary. Crying babies. Sassy Teens. You love your kids AND sometimes you just want a little relief. Maybe you can’t escape to your dream-get-away right now, but you could use an energy-break. Here’s four doable relief-tips for you:

1. Ask “What do I really want to do?” When you’re in a quandary about a decision, hopefully your response(s) will help you decipher which is your desire or need and not merely what someone else wants you to do. (Trying to make everyone happy and follow their advice can be truly exhausting.)

2. When you get into bed at night, instead of praying “Lord, what did I do wrong today?” and then ruminating about what you coulda- shoulda- woulda done, pray, “What did I do right, Lord?” Then listen to how God’s spirit prompts you, and praise Him for your blessings and His help. (Constant negative self-talk can rob your energy–and your joy.)

3. When you’re overly tired, lacking energy, or just plain overwhelmed with the mundaneness of mommy-hood, ask yourself  “Since I’m going to do this activity or task anyway, how can I do it easier–or even with a little fun)? (Doing something you enjoy, like listening to your fav music while accomplishing an unpleasant task can actually revitalize you.)

4. Before you get out of bed and/or reach over to pick up your baby in the morning or greet your early-bird toddler, take thirty seconds to talk to God. Request His guidance and help for your day. Consider asking, “Lord, what do You want to show me today?” Then watch for evidence of His love and direction. (Anticipating good things can be an attitude and energy booster. And a way to get to know God more intimately.)

So…Happy Mother’s Day, Mommy!

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My Palm Sunday in Egypt

3/24/2013

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Dad and I walked from our hotel along the Nile to a large church near downtown Cairo. We arrived early, but the church was packed on this Palm Sunday morning. Ushers set up folding chairs in the aisles. People crowded the narthex. The standing crowd parted to allow the fifty blue-robed choir members to march down the center aisle. They carried palm branches and sang. We couldn’t understand the words, but we read them in the “guest” bulletin. “I love you, Lord. Come and be with us…” they sang. I cried. 

The articulate pastor met with us after the worship service. “We all have something to give, whether Western or Eastern Christians,” he said. “If we learn how to share, then people would know that the giver cares and sees the receiver as a fellow human being and brother.” He explained that was why he appreciated the Christian relief and development program I worked with at the time. We partnered together to offer food, training, jobs, and transportation to deeply disadvantaged families.

The pastor’s daughter, a physician visiting from the United States, talked with us that afternoon. “As a child I wondered continually when someone would come take my dad away.  “Yes,” admitted the pastor. “I’ve been in danger of being jailed almost every day of my life.”

I chatted with the daughter (who practiced medicine in the U.S.) about topics like over-working, exhaustion, transition and burnout. “You know what it’s like to race inside, don’t you?” I asked.

“Oh, yes,” she admitted. “It’s like a treadmill — if I try to get off I will fall.”  Then she recounted stories about two of her patients who did fall off the treadmill during testing.  We chuckled at the analogy.

Although this happened years ago, I think of it today as I celebrate Palm Sunday 2013. Jesus left His perfectly supportive surroundings in heaven to live in this fickle world. One week He was adored, praised and openly honored with parades and palm branches. The next week He was mocked and killed. Seems so unfair. Yet, Jesus came for a purpose–the ultimate purpose!–to sacrifice His life so that all of us can be re-united with our perfect Creator God. All of us, the burned-out doctor, threatened pastor, penniless parent, and caring giver.

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It doesn’t matter where you live or what’s happening in your life, Jesus says (about himself), “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish [spiritually] but have eternal life.”

It’s God’s personal invitation to you. If you’ve accepted this loving offer, what does this Palm Sunday 2013 mean to you? How are you celebrating today?

Note: To protect the people involved, I changed some details of this true experience of mine, left out names and exact places, and chosen not to post actual photos.


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    Joan C. Webb

    Writing, teaching, coaching to empower and set free.
    Joan is an inspirational speaker, Bible teacher, Life Coach, and author of 13 books including It's a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life, The Relief of Imperfection, The Intentional Woman. She does consulting, as well as Life Coaching, for writers, speakers, ministry leaders and entrepreneurs.

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"Are you tired? Come to me. ...Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
​Jesus (Matthew 11:28-30)

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  • Home
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  • Life Coaching
    • Life Coaching Brochure
    • What Others Say about Life Coaching
    • LifePlan Brochure
  • Enneagram Coaching
    • What others say about the Enneagram Coaching
    • Contact Joan About Enneagram Coaching
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  • The Intentional Woman
    • The Intentional Woman Mission/Vision
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    • The Intentional Woman
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    • Devotions for Little Boys and Girls
    • Meditations for Christians Who Try to Be Perfect
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